I found your piece very entertaining! Well done. I think you might want to check your spelling of two and revise the first sentence, but I really like what you have written so far.
Hi Franklin,this is a great story opener that captures the readers attention. I can't wait to read what happens next. I like how you are focusing on one aspect of the sleepover (even if it is expelling gas!) rather than just listing a sequence of events.
Kia Ora Franklin its Kaleb here. Well done this is a great writing. I had a great time when we did this. What was your favorite part of that weekend??? Say sorry to Honor I made her sleeping bag a bit smelly. :l Kai Pai Franklin.
HI Franklin,
ReplyDeleteI found your piece very entertaining! Well done. I think you might want to check your spelling of two and revise the first sentence, but I really like what you have written so far.
Hi Franklin,this is a great story opener that captures the readers attention. I can't wait to read what happens next. I like how you are focusing on one aspect of the sleepover (even if it is expelling gas!) rather than just listing a sequence of events.
ReplyDeleteKia Ora Franklin its Kaleb here. Well done this is a great writing. I had a great time when we did this. What was your favorite part of that weekend??? Say sorry to Honor I made her sleeping bag a bit smelly. :l Kai Pai Franklin.
ReplyDelete