Friday 19 October 2018

Descriptive writing

This week we were practising for the writing test that is coming up. So we practised describing a image. Here is the start of my writing practise.



I saw her and then she was gone, I heard whispering for me to follow, It only took me a few seconds to decide… My curiosity overrules the urge for me to run home be scared and retreat.
Tasting  fear I furiously try to predict the oncoming events. The girl is  walking down the corridor of bewildering trees that provide an arch way around the narrow stream. The pure smell of nature taking its course eases my anxiety somewhat.  I follow the mystery girl but soon lose sight of her as the mist filters through the trees blocking my view. I've lost her.

5 comments:

  1. Kia Ora Franklin
    Wow you look like you have been busy writing these paragraphs about the picture we where given He whetu keo! Good Job!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Franklin Callum here. I really like your story especially Tasting fear Really makes you feel like you are there. Keep up the great work.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Franklin, Will here. I like this post because it is a descriptive piece and it is easy to read. I think next time your photo could be smaller so it doesn't go over some words.
    Will.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Franklin Its Morgan here. Wow that is great I really like how you said "My curiosity overrules the urge for me to run home be scared and retreat". I think that this is a great piece of writing. E noho ra bye

    ReplyDelete
  5. Kia ora Franklin,
    Miko here. I think that this piece of descriptive writing is quite interesting. I think it was good how pulled the reader in at the start by saying “I heard whispering for me to follow.”

    I do although think it could of used a bit more work. Like when you say “My curiosity overrules the urge for me to run home be scared and retreat.” I think you need a comma between run home and be scared otherwise it doesn't really make sense. I also think it would be a good idea to make the photo smaller next time that way it wont go over the page.

    I myself are really into descriptive writing. I hope you did well on your test. Check out my blog sometime.

    Have a good one,
    Miko

    ReplyDelete

Thank-you for your positive, thoughtful, helpful comment.